I have been in hell ever since hearing about the disaster. I have been unable to sleep. I have upset my friends by shouting at everyone..it has been a time of desolation. Now I am beginning to understand the creative process. There, in dreams, something has emerged.. a large empty space. Then a woman walking to the park with her child and now. Judith( the heroine) of my last book ”Paradise Lost’ emerging at the site of the disaster sitting amongst the victims the lost and the bereaved,I understand at last what has been going on in my crazy head. When I have feared for my sanity, felt dazed and crazed in some unimaginable horror losing control of myself and who I am and what I am becoming.
This has been the beginning of the sequel to my novel my unconscious mind has been busy and disturbed as it creates the sequel. Judith who in ‘Paradise Lost’ murdered her own alcoholic mother and gets away with it is to find her redemption amongst the survivors of the tower. She will take a survivor into her own home and she will care for this woman who has lost everything, her child, her husband, all her cards, her clothes. This is how Judith who was so abused by her own mother will be redeemed.
So this is it- creativity can drive you crazy- whilst the story is being written at an unconscious level the conscious mind is driven away. It becomes an irrelevance, everyday activity becomes an irrelevance, friends, families, lovers are all some how disposed of as unwanted baggage.